The Noblest Dream: a retrospective on Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring
I live in mortal terror of Spring, for Spring is when the birds arrive. Those who wistfully muse on the melodic chirps and twits of songbirds are ignorant, urban idiots who have never been exposed to the cacophony-diabolique[1] that, every April, starts at 4:30 AM outside my bedroom window.
The Cacophony! I awake, grit my teeth, and pray for a day when Silence returns to Spring. As I hold the pillows around my ears in bed, some ephemeral relief is provided through mentally discarding the Christian and Scientific Names for these feathered monsters from hell and replacing them with more appropriate descriptors. For example, I call the American Robin (Turdus Migratorius) the Red-bellied Shit-Screecher; the Brown-headed Nuthatch (Sitta pusilla) has become the trilling terror and the Common Blue Jay (Cyanocitta cristata) is the warbling asshole. The only bird I can stand is the common Crow (Corvus brachyrhynchos). The crow stands alone amongst the order of Passerformes in that it recognizes the evil of its plumed kin and systemically antagonizes and chases off the other birds in my yard. The Noble Crow makes no pretension towards artful beauty, nor could its guttural caw be construed as “tuneful.” It is the Richard Nixon of birds…ugly, brilliant, ruthless, cunning.
I take solace in the fact that I am not alone in my hatred of birds. Pliny the Elder’s famous disdain of birds (and bird lovers) was succinctly summarized when he excitedly ejaculated, “Trust not the man who watches birds, for his mind is as light as a feather.[2]” This famous maxim has since evolved to the term Bird-brained…an appellation synonymous with mouth-drooling idiocy. Also, consider Aeschylus’s magnum opus, the Oresteia. These three great plays are less a story of matricide and revenge but more of a cautionary tale about the dangers of the bird-like Erinyes or Furies. One understandably shudders when they see the winged Furies as they squawkingly torment the great Hero Orestes. It is 4:30 AM all over again. Furthermore, consider that the arch-villainess Clytemnestra’s name is, in fact, an anagram for Mestyclaren, which is most likely an ancient Greek word for “evil bird.”
But what is more terrifying is Aeschylus’s suspicious and untimely death shortly after authoring the Oresteia. Walking along a beach, an eagle brutally attacked him to death…a sobering reminder that birds, much like elephants, never forget a slight[3]. In fact, his recently discovered tombstone was found to be engraved with the following warning: “Μην μιλάτε πολύ δυνατά για τους κινδύνους των πουλιών, γιατί ακούνε[4]”
And yet Aeschylus is not the only notable figure to die under mysterious circumstances, potentially at the hands (or talons) of a bird. The widely esteemed 19th Century French Ornithologist, Jean de Fumier is probably best known for composing the children’s melody Allouette. The tune’s catchy refrain, “Allouette, gentile Allouette; Allouette je te plumeria” can be roughly translated as, “Gentile Lark, I will pluck you.” In a perverse and macabre sense of irony, Dr. Fumier’s body was found outside the aviary of the Ecole du Merde in Grenoble, completely exsanguinated and skinned. The murder has never been solved, although the investigating detectives from the Sûreté postulated theories that are generating heated debates to this day.
More disturbing is the case of Salim Moizuddin Ali, aka the Birdman of India. Dr. Ali, who is probably most famous for his very public fist-fight with the famed adventurer-cum-murderer-cum-ornithologist Richard Meinertzhagen at the 1952 Helsinki Bird Conference, spent the majority of his career studying the New Caledonian Crow (Corvus Monduloides). The New Caledonia Crow (NCC for short) is famous/infamous for its cunning intelligence. Many ornithologists privately believe that the NCC is second only to chimpanzee in relation to its cognitive, tool-using, and problem solving abilities. Shortly before his death in 1987, Dr. Ali was reported to have privately said to a small group of like-minded ornithologists that humanity is not prepared to know how intelligent and manipulative the NCC is. He elaborated by stating, “if people knew what this creature was fully capable of, they would mobilize all the great armies of the world to extirpate it from the biosphere….furthermore, I believe that the New Caledonian Crow represents the single greatest threat that mankind has faced since the Black Death.”
His nude body was found two days later on the roof of his Bombay villa, spread-eagle and covered with what the autopsy report described as, “Multiple, shallow penetrating wounds, evidently made with a small, beak-like implement.” Three black feathers were found clutched in his lifeless hands. The case remains open.
Rachel Carson knew the dangers of birds when she published Silent Spring in 1962. She knew the birds are notoriously jealous of their domain (the air) and routinely attack jet air-craft to defend their kingdom. Hundreds of thousands of aircraft have been brought down by this devious tactic, including one that carried Rachel Carson’s third cousin, Amelia Earhart (a noted ornithophobe). Having been directly impacted by birds, her intent with the book was to present a blue-print on how to obviate the bird-threat. It is noteworthy that Alfred Hitchcock was so disturbed by the avian threat, as described in Silent Spring, that he immediately greenlit production on his classic call-to-arms film “The Birds” (1963). “The Birds”, one of the most frightening movies of the 1960s, can best be summarized as “what America would have been had the selfless scientists at the Dupont and Velsicol Chemical Corporations not tirelessly synthesized and mass produced the miracle potion known as Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane.”
In short, Silent Spring is a misunderstood classic., a vision of a world without birds. In short, a Utopia. It is a tome that has since been hijacked by psychotic environmentalists who are bent creating a society dominated by Birds. A world where Humans are the prey. The only thing that stands between us and this horrifying vision of the future is DDT. If I die mysteriously, you now know who (or what) is responsible. Avenge me. Maria (wife) might provide (some) assistance.
[1] Full the full effect, please pronounce this term with a French accent.
[2] Subtextually inferred in Book 12 of Naturalis Historia.
[3] Coincidently, several scientists have proposed a complete overhaul of the current taxonomic ordering of species and have intend on grouping elephants with birds based on some disturbingly compelling similarities. Their proposals are oddly intriguing despite the significant controversy generated by their highly sexualized overtones.
[4] Loosely translated as: “Do not speak too loudly about the dangers of birds, for they are listening
Authors Note: Silent Spring is one of the most beautifully written pieces of literature from the modern era and Rachel Carson is a role model of empathy, integrity, and grace.